Heart on His Sleave
by Evangeline-Sibeliah
Summary: Merlin/Gwaine T-rated slash one-shot. Follows Gwaine and Merlin throughout season 3 with a different finale . What happens to their amazing friendship when Gwaine's crush and Merlin's secret are revealed?


**Author's Note**: I don't own the BBC show Merlin, nor its characters.

Inspired after watching The Eye of the Phoenix (Merlin 3X8).

Thanks to **Shadowglove** who introduced me to the series by writing way too many Merlin fanfics for me to ignore.

Happy Halloween!

**Heart on his Sleave**

When they first met, Merlin was a skinny boy who got himself in a fight with a gang of thugs. Oh, and there was also some prim-faced, properly spoken blonde with him. The blonde turned out to be Arthur, the crown prince of Camelot, a spoiled _noble_ who had his few light moments...

Merlin turned out to be one of the few really memorable encounters.

„I never stay at one place for too long. People get sick of me too quickly."

„I didn't."

„After the trouble I caused?"

„You livened the place up."

Gwaine chuckled when in fact he was surprised. He wasn't used to people not wanting anything from him and being with him just for the sake of being with him.

Merlin was also probably the first good and honorable person (not in the knightly sense of word, but still) he met who didn't judge Gwaine and his lifestyle.

He was certainly one of the first he felt bad to leave behind.

+#OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO#+

The second time he met Merlin, they ran away from another tavern fight laughing like children and then he was asked to join Merlin in a quest. Oh, they also saved prince Arthur in the process.

Seeing him again, Gwaine was happy to realize Merlin could now qualify as a legitimate friend now. Which was exactly what he told him. What? He was Gwaine. He didn't beat around the bush, he called everything as he saw it.

Merlin was caught off guard and he gave him a touched look.

„I'd do the same for you."

„I hope so. You're the only friend I've got."

There was something about Merlin that Gwaine found endearing. Being a lone wolf, Gwaine usually hated traveling in two or more. Things like having to stop more often, forcing small talk and quickly discovering people's annoying habits usually got on Gwaine's nerves, but that didn't seem to be the problem with Merlin.

The more he knew him, the more he liked him.

Sooner than he wanted to, the quest was over. Gwaine reluctantly turned his horse.

„You can't keep living like that," Merlin laughed, gently commenting instead of criticizing.

„Yeah, but it's fun trying," Gwaine said goodbye to his friend - his only friend - his best friend – with a really heavy heart.

+#OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO#+

Their third encounter was in a slave trader's pit. Gwaine had been the pit's champion for almost a week by then, and he kept to himself by a wall, surrounded by a cubit of space that the respect gave him. He only perked up when he heard Merlin's voice. Oh, look, there was Arthur too, he must've somehow overseen him.

For a moment there, Gwaine was petrified that he would have to fight Merlin to the death. The image of him merely pretending to punch his dear friend (who often winced when patted on a shoulder) turned his stomach inside out.

Fortunately, the one with whom he crossed his sword ended up being Arthur, whereupon they were saved by a peculiar fire accident.

„We're looking for the Cup of Life," Merlin spilled the secret of Arthur's quest immediately.

The prince slapped the back of his head in punishment.

„But it's..._Gwaine_," Merlin shrugged as if his name explained everything. _Gwaine can be trusted_, he meant, which put a smile on Gwaine's face.

They didn't find the Cup. Apparently, the druids can be found only when they wish to be found.

Yet again the time was up to separate from the manservant and his prince. The idea felt so wrong Gwaine couldn't bring himself to do it.

Acting impulsively as always, he drew the noble card, revealed his origins to Arthur and offered his services at the court.

It was only after the prince agreed that Gwaine realized the horror of what was to come. Waking up before noon. Having to _find time_ inbetween work for taverns. Getting along with a group of noble prats working beside him. Discipline!

The city walls of Camelot were finally in sight and Gwaine felt cold sweat on his forehead. Merlin sent him a smile.

„I knew you were going to join us one day," he said happily.

Gwaine smiled back and gulped.

+#OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO#+

It wasn't that bad.

Camelot was a nice place.

(He couldn't really explain the number of black people in the court. He knew that a few came during the Roman invasion, but it seemed that every single descendant lived in the castle. There was even a black knight! Apparently, once he proved to Uther that he was a prince of an African tribe, the King kept him around.)

Gwaine was allowed to train with Arthur's knights, some of which were good men, some despicable rich brats and then, some were good men and brats at the same time, just like Arthur.

Arthur himself was a good enough prince to die for but only when Merlin was around. Funny thing, that.

Yet there were still times when Arthur succumbed to the power of Dumb. And everytime he did something ignorant, prattish or annoying, Merlin and Gwaine exchanged a glance. Later on, they added knowing looks everytime His Princessness said something funny, something obviously quoted from a book about royalty, and whenever he made fun of Merlin. Which basically amounted to everything Arthur ever said or did.

Yeah, they met each other's eyes a lot, sharing inside jokes and communicating in their secret silent language.

It unnerved Gwaine that whenever Arthur left for a quest, be it an official one or one the king didn't agree on, Merlin followed him. So, despite his lack of knightliness, Gwaine forced his way into the small group of adventurers and risked his life alongside Arthur just to keep an eye on a certain someone.

Imagine the surprise when Merlin saved Gwaine's life half as many times as Gwaine saved his. The other half of the times Gwaine got to keep his head on his shoulders thanks to strange incidents. He never had that much good luck in his life!

Gwaine found out there were three layers to Merlin's personality: At first sight, he was a cowardly skinny manservant who was pushed around but who preached tolerance and equality. Underneath, there was a courageous, loyal, gold-hearted hero (who preached tolerance and equality). And yet Gwaine could sometimes see even deeper, down to that gentle lonely boy in the core (who still preached tolerance and equality).

Interesting, most people had only two layers.

Gwaine probably had one and a half; what could he say, he wore his heart on his sleeve.

It was due to the discovery of the third level of Merlin that Gwaine decided to be there whenever he needed a friendly hug. Every time Arthur brushed Merlin off with a sarcastic jibe or a punch in the shoulder, Gwaine put an arm around his friend and gave him a smile. He seemed to appreciate it.

And that was when Gwaine realized _it _ was happening again. He wasn't expecting it with Merlin, until then it only happened with men who could beat him in a fight, men who were tall and hunky and who oozed masculinity. But yes, the signs were there: Every touch meant a little more than it should to Gwaine, every smile or praise from Merlin made him happier than ever and he found himself eager to impress him.

Gwaine was falling for Merlin.

He knew it wasn't such an abnormal thing to feel. He did grow up in high society where some nobles had seducing young men for a hobby. However, the way he was introduced to this kind of coupling was harsh and scarring: While sneaking around a rich household one night, he saw the old fat master of the house defile a seventeen-year-old boy. Being the exact same age as the boy, Gwaine remembered it as something dirty and violating.

He left home and started his footloose lifestyle around that time.

Whenever he met a man he felt attracted to, he ignored the infatuation and left town. Gwaine hoped he just hadn't found the right woman yet; he did love women, but their touch didn't seem to _mean_ as much as touching an attractive man. So he kept looking, vigorously, chasing skirts everywhere he went until he'd find the woman that would draw him in more than men.

Now this had to happen.

For the first time in years, Gwaine was afraid to act. For the first time in years, he kept his mouth shut about what was going through his mind _every day_ and decided to...wait.

+#OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO#+

A war was brought upon them from within.

Morgana, the King's favourite of all people, took over Camelot with her sister Morgause and an enemy king Cenred. They paralyzed the castle with a powerful sleeping spell and commenced terrorizing surrounding towns and villages into submission.

Arthur, Gwaine, Gaius and Merlin weren't affected.

„Gaius's chambers must be magically protected from before magic was banned," Merlin shrugged.

While spying on the new Queen and her allies, they were joined by Guinevere's brother Elyan, a strongman Percival and some Lancelot, who was apparently a good friend of Merlin's.

Huh.

_Such_ a good friend that they often stepped aside and talked in secret.

Gwaine gulped down the jealousy and it tasted bitter.

But seriously, they slept close to each other the night before the battle! Gwaine tried to catch some of their mumbling while pretending to sleep, but he didn't get much.

The next day, Lancelot stuck to Merlin's side as much as Gwaine always did. This guy was getting annoying. When Merlin suddenly made a different turn than Arthur's group, Lancelot followed him without blinking; Gwaine was the only surprised one.

„Where are we going?"

„To the crown jewels treasury. That's where the sleeping spell source is hidden."

Merlin looked back at Gwaine with a breath drawn in to tell him something he wouldn't like.

„You are not sending me after Arthur. I'm staying with you," Gwaine said before Merlin could even start.

For a while, they just stared each other down.

Merlin sighed and sqeezed his shoulder.

„No matter what happens, thank you for everything, Gwaine, my friend."

That sounded ominous.

The spell was protected by none other than Morgana and a sleepwalking unit of Arthur's knights, controlled by her magic like puppets. Gwaine and Lancelot did their best to incapacitate them without hurting them (much). Merlin decided to have a little chat with the new queen.

„Why would I? You can't stop us, Merlin, nobody can!" Gwaine heard the witch scream in answer. „Ours is the way of Magic, the powers of nature herself want this to happen, _we are_ Magic!"

„You silly girl!" Merlin surprised everyone by retaliating. „How long have you been studying your Magic, a few months, maybe a year? You haven't even _begun_ to understand it. Yours is not the way of Magic; yours is the way of a poisoned heart."

„What do you know, you don't know anything!" Morgana sent an attacking spell at him.

Merlin blocked it.

With his hand.

Just moved his hand as if he was waving off a fly and the spell was countered.

„_I know_," his voice resonated in the treasury, full of power and demanding everyone's attention, „_that if you truly understood Magic, you would've felt it running through my veins, pure and unadulterated. Because if there's anyone in this room who's Magic, it is ME!_"

And so, the witch and the warlock started a duel.

Gwaine couldn't believe his eyes. Merlin stood strong, confident, powerful, intimidating. Ancient words slipping from his lips like first language, eyes blazing gold, he held up a magical shield around himself _and_ Gwaine _and_ Lancelot while attacking Morgana at the same time.

The room almost gave way to the power clashing inside, Camelot's jewels and treasures took off into a whirl around them, shelves cracked and the stone beneath them vibrated.

Suddenly, Morgause appeared and joined her sister against Merlin. He winced in pain at their doubbled offense and went down on his knees before roaring one last spell. And what a spell it was. All the gold around the sisters melted as they screeched and disappeared in front of their eyes.

The silence that followed was deafening.

Merlin was on his knees, arms limp and lips parted on an exhausted breath. The gold in his eyes went out and he fainted. Lancelot was there to catch him before his head hit the floor. There were various emotions in Gwaine's rival's face, but surprise wasn't one of them. Lancelot knew.

„We have to get him to Gaius," he picked up the skinny warlock in his arms. „We need to hurry, the sleeping spell was destroyed, the whole castle must be waking up."

To confirm Lancelot's words, groans came from some of the beaten knights.

+#OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO#+

Merlin woke up to Lancelot's hand on his forehead. Once he was informed about the state of Camelot and everyone's well-being, he asked about Gwaine.

„He was here until a while ago. Arthur came and made some unknowing observations about you being a useless manservant, which I believe upset you friend because he stomped away immediately."

„He knows."

„What he saw was hard to miss," Lancelot smiled at his worried friend. „He promised he wouldn't tell anyone, though. I didn't even have to ask him."

„I need to talk to him..."

„I agree. But let's wait until you're able to walk, all right?"

+#OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO#+

„I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Gwaine jumped when he found Merlin in his room. He was sitting on the edge of Gwaine's bed, elbows slumped on his parted knees, head risen from his hands. He looked just as sorry as he said he was.

„Yeah...Why didn't you?" Gwaine closed the door behind him.

„Only Gaius and Lancelot know. If Uther ever finds out, they'll be punished, too. That's why I didn't want to..."

Gwaine wanted to put up more fight about that excuse – he risked his life to protect Merlin all the time, why should this be any different – but he knew they wouldn't get far if he did. Damn was he tired. He crossed swords with half of the castle tonight and found out his best friend was a powerful warlock. He needed to sleep on this.

„Are you angry with me?"

„No," Gwaine sighed.

„Are you...Disappointed with me?"

„No...Man, I need a drink."

„Gwaine, you're gonna tell someone."

„I won't, damn it!" he felt like grabbing and shaking the boy, which was exactly what he did before even realizing he moved.

„You don't understand," Merlin's eyes were pleading, „You're gonna get drunk and tell someone, it won't be your fault but it's gonna be out and once it's out, it's only a matter of time before it gets to-"

„I won't, I swear! Why is it so hard to trust me?!"

„I trust you, I do," Merlin clasped Gwaine's forearms to calm him down, he was probably getting brusied by that firm grip on his shoulders.

They were standing pretty damn close.

„But I know what alcohol does to you. Me and Gaius could come up with a spell, not to make you forget, I wouldn't want you to forget, but to keep that information inside..."

„There's no need. I will never betray you, Merlin. I'd rather die."

„You never know-"

Trying to make Merlin understand, Gwaine did a very Gwaine thing.

He kissed him.

It wasn't his best work, he just cut the distance between them and planted one on him, quick but tender.

„I will never betray you, Merlin. I'd rather die," he repeated, giving the words weight.

Merlin just stood there, dumbfounded.

„Oh. Thank you," he blurted out, turned around and left Gwaine's room.

It was Gwaine's turn to gape like an idiot.

_Oh, thank you?_

+#OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO#+

Had there ever been a single tournament in Camelot that didn't end up with someone trying to kill Arthur? No, seriously, Gwaine wanted to know.

Just a week after Morgana's failed takeover, Uther and Arthur organized a melee to lift their subjects' spirits. Some noble brothers saw that as a wonderful opportunity to kill the only heir of Camelot. It was up to Gwaine and Merlin to save the Prince. (Must've been Thursday.)

Gwaine dressed up in Arthur's armor while Merlin looked for a way to expose the assassins. By the time he did, Gwaine was getting beaten up pretty badly. Suddenly, his attackers tripped on nothing, landed face into mud and their own blades proved how real they were by _accidentally_ stabbing them in their behinds.

The crowd roared with laughter.

„He's a little banged up, let me take a look at him," Merlin led him away from an upset Arthur and other knights. Gwaine hissed in pain. There was something wrong.

„Careful, careful," he complained as Merlin helped him out of the breastplate, then the mail. There was blood on his shirt. A very smartly placed stab wound in his side, just between the ribs.

„Lay down," Merlin's soft hands and even softer voice guided him. He checked the tent's surroundings for witnesses before touching Gwaine's body again.

For a second, Merlin's eyes flashed that magical gold. His friend felt slightly afraid and considerably turned on.

„Yahalaigh," Merlin spoke the old word with authority Gwaine only ever heard from him when he used Magic. Mesmerized by his best friend, he didn't get to see the wound healing.

„You've been saving our lives all this time, haven't you," he put two and two together.

„Not all the time...Arthur did achieve some of his quests alone..."

Merlin and Gwaine smirked at the Prince's expense.

„But all those strange things when we were in danger...That was you."

Merlin nodded shyly.

„I can take care of this too," he pointed to a large bruise forming on his chest where the armor dug into his flesh under a powerful hit. „As long as it's hidden under clothes, no one should notice the wounds disappearing, so you can come to me anytime, all right?"

Gwaine caught Merlin's hand as it hovered over his heart.

„So, why do you think I kissed you?"

Merlin choked on nothing.

„Um, I just thought, you know, that you're a very physical kind of a person. You hug and touch and kiss and sleep around all the time, right? And then I thought, maybe you have it from experience that kissing is the best way to shut someone up...It's something like that, right?"

„No."

„Oh."

+#OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO#+

It took Merlin almost a week to build up an answer.

He prepared a long speech for Gwaine about the importance of their friendship: Because yes, he was afraid that bringing something more into it would endanger it. But on the other hand he knew it'd be cruel to Gwaine to stay this close without being intimate.

He talked a little bit about where he came from, where population was small and people small-minded, where liying with a man was only mentioned as a joke. After his friends found out he was leaving for Camelot to become an apprentice, they kept teasing him about possibly getting raped by one of his masters in the future.

He admitted that he always liked Gwaine a lot, he just never even considered thinking about him in _that _ way. Not until the kiss, at least.

But most importantly, he confessed how _alone_ he sometimes felt in Camelot. His social class, his assignment to Arthur only, his Magic, his secret quests, all that lying – some days, Merlin felt like crumbling into pieces.

Gwaine jumped at the chance, promising comfort and solace if only Merlin let him in.

That night, Merlin found out Gwaine was an excellent kisser.

That night, Gwaine found out Merlin was a sucker for cuddling. It was fine with him, he was willing to wait until whenever Merlin was ready for the bigger steps.

Wow. He had it for him bad, didn't he.

+#OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO#+

THE END

+#OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO#+

**P.S.:** Thesaurus says: **heart on one's sleeve** - Comes from chivalry, when a knight wore a scarf or other item from his lady tied to his sleeve.


End file.
